After The Honeymoon...Now what?!?!

It's been the best 6-9 months of complete unadulterated bliss. You've laughed, smiled, celebrated and proclaimed out loud that "Nothing has ever felt like this before". You are in love. 
You are in the honeymoon phase and everything is amazing you love everything about your "booski", you love they way they look when they wake up, when they sleep, you kiss them with morning breath, you love all the perfections and imperfections of what you believe is the perfect match for you. Damn this feels good.

Now we are at the 7+ month mark... The honeymoon is officially over, now what? 
When your a kid you do that cheer: "Raven & Stan sitting in the tree KISSING first comes love, then comes marriage then comes Raven with a baby carriage." How come they never said what came after that? When the real people surface. That cheer should have ended with a to be continued. 

Does this stage mean you don't love this person anymore? No! It simply means that the infantile stage of the relationship is maturing. Simply speaking it means all the baby talk and lovey dovey aspects of the relationship move to the side ever so slightly and real life takes place. 
Suddenly the fact that she sleeps with her mouth open and he snores like a warthog with allergies is no longer cute and adorable. 
Now real life is taking place and he/she does a few things that annoy you.

You've had your first argument and one of the 2 of you was devastated if not both. You thought it was over, you couldn't believe the person who was/is so perfect is arguing with you about something so small and petty.
A few months back, anything petty was quickly something to laugh about and no one caught serious feelings. Now the person that makes your heart rate triple in beats at the sight of them is on the other end of the phone in a full blown "heated discussion" because he'd rather watch Monday night football than sit on the phone with you for 3 hours discussing your day and why your cat Skittles is jumping in the clothes hamper again. Something so small and so trivial is the tell tale sign that, real life has entered the picture and it's not leaving. 
Yes this is still the same person you are in love with and no the love or the amount of love you have for this person has not decreased... The honeymoon is over... NOW WHAT? 


I've compiled a small list of things that I think help post honeymoon:

• Communication~ Early on in the relationship no one is really talking about what makes you tick and what grinds your gears. Your more so discussing how much you love each other, how happy you are, how you can't live without one another etc. There comes a very critical time in that relationship where you each need to have a talk revolving around the more intimate details of your personalities. This could very well assist in those future argument/heated discussions it may even stop some before they happen
•  "Me Time" ~ When I was younger and less mature I had no idea how much a person needed Me Time. I'll be the first to admit there was a time (years ago) that I was the typical chick wondering why we couldn't spend every waking moment together basking in each others aura and the love we share. The older I got the better understanding I received of just how important Me Time really is. If you suffocate your partner you suffocate your relationship and it suffers. Lots of people tend to do this early on. You spend so much time together face to face or over the phone you run out of things to talk about, surprises to give, information to share nothing is new because you gave it all away in the first few months, this is when things get stale and stagnant. It's like a kid on Christmas you have this great build up to all the wrapped presents under the tree after 15 minutes you've opened them all the novelty has worn off after 2 hours and now it's just another day. We often do the same in relationships. You have to save some things so that down the line there is still something to keep it funky fresh.

• ~The Same Things You Did To Get Them, Do To Keep Them~ How self explanatory is that one? We often forget all the things we did to get the person we constantly say we are so happy to have. After you've done these things for a few months its easy to comfortable and kind of fall off. You used to wash his clothes, fix his plate, get him a beer for the game, always get dressed up. You used to give her flowers, cards and phone calls for no reason just to say you love her, surprise her with dinners, chick flicks etc. Somewhere along the lines everyone got comfortable now it's been months since she's received flowers and months since you've had a home cooked meal. You can't forget how these things used to make the other person feel, the smile it brought to their face and the joy it brought you to see them happy. Don't start anything you aren't willing to continue but at this stage you've started it so get to the florist and get in the kitchen...  

 These are a just few things in my opinion that I've noticed... feel free to add . 

~Smooches
<3 RandomRedz

First

First

At 26 I have recently discovered that I have experienced more first now than I have in the past and the first’s of years past pale in comparison to the first of my current days.

It’s funny between the ages of 16-18 the first’s that seemed so important and groundbreaking at 26 you realize just how silly and minute they were. To name a few:

• The first time you have sex (I guess this depends on the people I’ll dig deeper)
• Your first drink
• The first time you tell someone you love them and vice versa

That’s just to name a few.

As I approach 27 I realize how they have changed and what some really mean allow me to elaborate.

The First Time You Have Sex:

While yes this is a very significant and important milestone again I must reiterate it depends on the person. When I was in middle school I remember hearing stories of people having sex for the first time I wonder if 17 years later that first time still matters to some of those people. Now at 26 I look at the situation completely different.

What about the first time you make love (have sex) with the person you love, really love, not the infatuated, teenage, puppy dog love but really love, I have to be honest when I review the situations, yes the loss of virginity was an exciting and (at the time) groundbreaking experience it pales in comparison. I’d make love to the love of my life a million times yet I’m ok with losing my virginity only once (it was nothing like the movies) I’m Just Sayin’.

However nothing compares to the first time you make love to that person “the one”, nothing in all the books you’ve read, movies you’ve seen or songs you’ve heard prepare you for the moment that you and that one allow your bodies to become one. I think the more mature you are the better understanding of the beauty that it beholds you understand. Every nerve in your body is on edge, your hearts beat, matches your minds pace which matches the euphoric sensation your body is experiencing, they all become one. Nothing like the teens and/or young adults fiddling around with another exploring what late night movies on Cinemax and HBO have taught them, mimicking what they saw but having no idea what the purpose of any of it is.

I said that all to say I truly believe you can (not me lol) can have sex with as many people as you want but the moment you make love it changes the game for life, you can be 25 or 50 and experience this for the first time. I am quickly learning very few things have age limits

The First Time You Have a Drink:

 If you are or were anything like me you had your first drink before 21. The first time I had anything to drink, I was in my sisters mother’s closet and she had a bottle of wine, we took a few sips and nothing happened, when I was 17 I had my first real drink, I went to a party and being the novice and naive teen that I was I drank Everclear, yes ladies and gents Everclear which is 151 and 190-proof. I am beyond thankful that I do not have hair on my chest, face or any other ungodly place on my body after consuming that shyt!

I find myself now contemplating the first time I was of age and indulged in a cranberry and Vodka (my drink of choice), or a glass of wine. My alcohol tolerance had greatly improved and the sting of alcohol no longer made me feel like my chest was on fire. I was able to relax and enjoy the drink, it was relaxing and enjoyable (when consumed in large amounts in hilarious the actions that followed as well as the actions of others lol). It was also exhilarating as this was perfectly legal and OK for me to do, I wasn’t sneaking, I wasn’t afraid of who could smell it on me, if I looked drunk  or what lie I needed to concoct if I got caught. It was a freedom to experience and explore freely.

The First Time “I Love You” Is Said.

OK here we go the meat and potatoes and the total inspiration for this blog.

I know about the age of 15 I told someone I loved them, guess what I have no effin idea where he is, what he’s doing or anything and even worse guess what I don’t care.

Of course there are some you remember but do I remember the first boy I told? No!

Sorry, I could say 15 is the first time I said it but I vaguely remember telling someone in middle school (he was my first BOYFRIEND LMAO) or at least that’s what I thought we were doing. We went to classes together on A days and B days and when I stayed at my BFF’s I rode his bus. We hugged and passed dumb little letters all day and snuck on the phone before my grandmother got home from work. There it was… Some love, some boyfriend.

I’ll tell you how grand that love was, once I couldn’t talk to him because my grandmother was home (I wasn’t supposed to talk to boys yet) he got mad and told me if I didn’t stay on the phone he was gonna call my house and talk to my grandmother (in hindsight ole boy had some issues) the next day I broke up with him. Oh so in love.

In high school I really thought that I really knew what love really was. Even then I didn’t oddly enough. In my early 20’s I thought I knew. I knew what I wanted love to be and what I thought it should be, I even knew how I thought it was supposed to work. Hell I believed it conquered all.

Well I grew up and woke up all at the same time. What I thought was the end all be all to all the puppy love heartbreaks I’d experienced was anything but; in fact it was the eye opener necessary to make me grow up!

Here I am 26 and finally I am honestly in love the right way for the first time. I heard someone tell me they love me and for the first time in all my life it was a feeling unlike any other, when he said it my world literally froze, I didn’t think I heard him correctly but even now that he tells me every day I can still hear the way his voice sounded the first time he said it, the tone, the timbre, the pattern, the bass, the baritone, the certainty, the sincerity, the passion and every emotion. I hear it like no other time, it sticks with me day in and day out and no matter how many times he tells me, that is one of 3 times that he has said it that I will never forget.

He inspired this blog because today he told me to listen to a song and when listening to the lyrics I cried. Nope that wasn’t the first time that happened and probably will not be the last, but when the tears fell I also had a smile on my face. He is the first man to ever make me cry for a good reason in my entire life.

I began to ponder all my first and all my first with him. Every first that I’ve experienced with him thus far outweighs every first that I’ve experienced with any man before him. Yes at their time in my past they were special and meant something to me at that time. But none of them compare to what I see in my life every day these days.

 I had this strange and ridiculous notion a few years back that love might actually hurt and might actually include many fights and arguments. When I left the situation that birthed those conceptions I realized how sadly misguided I was.

I was slightly saddened and disappointed at the revelation that a few months from 27 I am experiencing a real relationship for the first time. Does this speak negatively on my behalf or on me as a woman, at first thought, I believed so but I soon realized it does not. In fact it speaks to the personal growth and development of me as a woman and a person. I’ve grown enough to embrace change and acknowledge that what I always believed was “it” could easily not be, it’s a revelation that we will always have first’s and new chapters in life that will make past chapters and past first appear as unread books and last’s of practice rounds, simply put nothing like the real thing. While writing this blog I discovered not only am I experiencing some new first’s I realized you don’t actually have a “first” until you have the real thing.

Inspiration

I recently decided to take up spinning as a form of exercise. While taking this class we went through a few instructor some purely sucked and one was friggin' amazing. Granted she does not look like your average or even expected spin instructor but don't get it twisted ole girl rawks.

As I gear up for class today I am wondering to myself: exactly what is my inspiration for me doing this and consistently at that? I am famous for picking up a new habit or hobby and then dropping it shortly after. But I find with spinning I look forward to it and I enjoy it like it's not exercise. Yet again I asked what is my true motivation for this class?

I believe it's that in spinning my mind is FREE there are 45 minutes to an hour where I can literally let go and RUN. The music is blaring people are clapping and yelling and I'm in my own world barely hearing any of this. I'm letting go of stress, emotions and thoughts that are cluttering my mind. I use the time that we are "climbing" to let it all out especially if something has me a lil pissed. I close my eyes and push, push, push until I can;t anymore and I feel amazing at my strength and perseverance that even I didn't know I possessed. I challenge myself each week to last a lil longer in certain positions than I did the week before. I am instantly proud of myself when I do. But I do find that if and when I close my eyes and go I am a lil better. Though my eyes can't remain closed through an entire class it reminds me of how good it would feel to just put on running shoes and close my eyes and run. I think I'd call it blinded running. I am obsessed with how good that could actually feel that I feel the fresh air in my lungs and see the beauty of darkness as the cool breeze hit my sweaty and balmy skin from the running. Crazy as this sounds it's almost a fantasy just because of the freedom while running wild, though it contradicts itself it's beauty personified to me.

My inspiration for spinning is the challenge, the thrill and the blinded running. I am peddling that bike and some days I am running from all the BS the week has already offered and the future BS to come. My inspiration is my moment of freedom and bliss where no one and nothing else matters but the fact that I get the chance to run until it hurts.
Every ones inspiration is different, this is just my inspiration for Spinning. After an emotionally draining and irritable day I look forward to spinning tonight for the ease and peace of mind.

~Toodles ♥

You Don't Know This Business - Courtesy of Faith Richardson

My very dear friend and sistah "fo lyfe" Makeda has the most precocious 3 year old daughter named Faith. One of my favorite things about our friendship is hearing the daily tales of Faith's MOUTH lmao. One of my favorites is most definitely her saying: You Don't Know This Business.

While it cracks me up to pieces every time I think about it, it made reflect on some more mature issues we as adults and mainly adult women encounter every day.

Let me first start by saying literally every day of my life there is someone I can easily say to: You Don't Know This Business or another Amy Pohler's: Bitch I don't know your life.

I encounter many different people every day from many different walks of life.

One in particular is at my JOB she will see me talking to someone else and walk up to the convo not knowing what’s going on and stand there silently until someone takes a breath so that she can join in. It pisses me off because you could understand everything in the convo if you simply wait to be invited, granted 9 times out of 10 you won't be but never the less standing there are as a spectator waiting to see where you fit in makes you look like a fool and makes me want to turn around and proudly say: You Don't Know This Business.

Another instance would have to be a family member who constantly calls me wondering where I am and when I refuse to answer they take it upon themselves to speculate to the entire family or whoever will listen. This is the same person that texts me incessantly and when I don’t respond begins to send text saying it's URGENT, but it never is. She constantly speculates everything about my life and really believes her many ASSumptions are true. I think I'll make it my BUSINESS to respond to her next text or gossip of speculation with a very simple: You Don't Know This Business, though she will be completely lost on it I will be cracking up LMAO because I know the meaning, the severity and origin.

Saying this phrase to people will give me the same gratification that I get when playing scrabble and someone challenges my word and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt it's a word. While that may not make sense to anyone else it's one of my guiltiest and strangest pleasures.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6SMIRHwaFg&feature=related

You know why you don't get it? Cause You Don't Know This Business :)

♥ Smooches

Splenda Bitches & Negativity

Good Morning,

This morning I reflect on a convo rather a series of convo's I have recently had with a few very, very close Friends of mine. The details and topic of the convo's led me to title this blog respectively titled Splenda Bitches & Negativity.
I started a few months back calling fake and artificial women Splenda Bitches cause they are simply ARTIFICIAL and/or FAKE.

I have encountered many women in life very few do I call friends. I can count on both hands with fingers left over just how many women I consider to be my friends. The reason for that is the many times I have been burned, abused, used and let down many women in my life. I learned at a very young age every person that enters your life with a smile and an offer is not a friend.
It often amazes me how many women come into your life with ill intentions. I am reminded of a situation with a very dear friend of mine. While dealing with a certain "woman" it became apparent that the person in question was not her friend. As with many relationships as women we often have on horse blinders when dealing with people. The people in our inner circle sometimes are fully aware and more inclined to see what is going on that we can't see due to the blinders. With tha being said it hurt me to heart to realize my friends friendship, kindness and devotion was being taken for granted and misused for another's personal gain, that I realized eventually would be the personal FALL of my friend. I constantly informed her: " you are too nice", to which she often smiled... why? Because the heffa is too nice LOL.
I realize most people think I am unapproachable, a bitch, mean, selfish, self centered and the list goes on, the thing is I no longer care... Wow you may say: she really is a cold bitch. No I am not. I realize that rather you like me or not means nothing. Why? Because even if I change everything about me to be what you like you will still not like me. I have no problem with people not liking me cause in most cases I don't like people. But you will have a common respect for me and every entity of me.
With that being said my friend was being disrespected yet with blinders on it did not appear as such to her for a while. When the wolf snatched off the sheep's clothing it became apparent my friends best interest was not a matter the wolf concerned herself with. It was all about self even it meant alienating her from any and everything.
My Friend who I consider to be a real woman beyond the shadow of a doubt was unfortunately put in a position to deal with SPLENDA BITCHES who bought her nothing but negativity.

While she is not fake or artificial she was damn sure putting Splenda in her Coffee. See you let these people into your world and into your heart and before you know it the negativity and bullshit they bring is coursing through your veins, your are breathing in their shit and for a brief moment in time their shit smells like roses. If not handled quick enough you become a Splenda bitch. Thankfully my friend was able to see just what was happening and the poison this person was attempting to pump into her blood stream. It's like a virus or Cancer it starts in one place and if untreated or aggressive enough it SPREADS to the entire body sometimes causing organ failure and/or death.
My friend now sweetens her coffee with PURE SUGAR I am thankful for such because thanks to her being a friend to me I too use PURE SUGAR.

If there are Splenda Bitches in your life bringing nothing but negativity, pain, distance and unhappiness pour out that coffee today and start new. And yes Men can be SPLENDA BITCHES too.

Till Next Time.

Toodles.

♥ BlkButterfly

Humph!!!

What is it with the Indian guy driving like it's a friggin speedway in the garage and almost hitting my car head on? Idiot...

I'm determined to get back on track...

Can I just say how much I hate SPRINT how is my bill almost $30.00 more every month WTH?

UGH they make me sick...

Today is so so... so Imma end this one early

Completely IRKED

Ok. So today I have a tremendouse amount of stuff on mind some I won't go into but a good amount I will.

Lets get it in.

I hate a person standing right on my butt in a line WTH are tryna do? Sniff me? Ugh back the freak up. In the same instance I hate a person all in my food. I'm at my desk one day and along come "this guy" walks up to ask me somethings, mind you I'm on my lunch break (I am so going to stop eating at my desk) anywho he comes up to ask some questions proceeds tolook down at my food move closer and inspect my food while pointing at it and ask : Hey girl what u got there?" WTF Are you crazy. A. I don't want to be called girl like yousome kinda slave driver
B. Get your friggin finger out my isht.

I proceed to throw the food away in his face and walk away.

On to my next issue...

Why are the drivers here in the DMV piss poor any amount of rain causes ya'll bastards to ride your brakes WTH and WHY OH WHY...It took me over 2 hours to get to work this morning all for nothing, Then some fool put something on the lil boards on the VA bridge please help me understand why that made traffic? UGH

Why do people have offices and not close the DAYUM door WTH dangit they are making me so mad and they proceed to talk loud as hell no matter how many times Iturn around, loudly sigh or roll my eyes they dont get the hint CLOSE THE DAYUM DOOR TROLLPS.

WTH is with black radio? Why isn't there anything on and when it is it's filled with commercials... Tom Joyner has the spokeswoman for bitter black women in his radio show: Sybill that broad hates everything and every man there is nothing she is positive about get a life,.

If you can't tell today I am not feeling it I am too agitated...

Also for those that think being an Admin Asst is nothign think again losers. You are the wife in a marriage when you are an admin your constantly reminding them f appointments, mking sure they are more tha prepared for the entire day and then the next day. You are the shoulder they cry on the ear they bend and the person they often take frustrations out on there is nothing simple about this job. I'm constantly dealing with multiple personalities and sroking egos so when I get on her rant half the crap is from this place.

If youlisten to the foxxhole and Speedys Comedy Corner then u understand me saying Lewis Dix and that broad Chanel need to hold hands and JUMP.

The Potty @ Work

So I go to make my final tinkle stop before leaving the office every stall in there except the last 2 is occupied. I wrote something a few days ago about women using the first stall for poopy of course today that did not stop the symphony of butt harmonicas going off in all the stops except mine. They were not only loud they were foul as hell. My problem WTF is wrong with using the handicap stall for poopy and if you can't hold it why can't you let a lil escape and then finish up at home? DAMN

The bathroom is rank and pretty damn stank!

UGH

Lunch Time

While Subway should be and is advertised to be light and healthy I still feel extremely full and have a serious case of the itis afterwards... UGH I feel like crap after that Turkey sandwich. It also never ceases to amaze me the people who work in Subway can't understand english but they know exactly what you want on your sandwich? WTF They look at u all googley eyed when you ask about anything like correct change for example. Damn shame... Language barriers are a bitch.

I had been on this health kick lately where I was only eating fruits, veggies either chicken or fish I felt so much better in comparison to how I feel today after having processed food from Subway Ion care what Jared's fat ass says that shit is still processed especially the damn Turkey and whatnot. Anywho I'm going back to my fruits and veggies tomorrow.

Is it still considered taking a lunch break if you eat at your desk and are still answering emails and calls? I would say no but I'm sure I'm the only one feeling that way at least in here that is.

A Rant A Rave & A Few Thoughts

So I logged off the computer pretty early last night in hopes that I'd get up for work on time this morning.Before calling it a night I decided the shirt I wanted to wear needed to be washed. I put it in the washer and set the alarm so I could get up to put it in the dryer. So the alarm goes off and I hit the off button... not even attempting to get up and put the shirt in the dryer... However I don't realize this until the next alarm goes off @ 6:30am and I the shirt is wet. I jump out the bed almost step on the dog and run to the dryer... place the shirt in the dryer and run to the shower. Once in the shower and realizing my shirt is in the dryer I think I have a few extra minutes... I don't but I sit my nekkid ass on the bed anyhow and watch some Greys Anatomy. It dawns on me that the shirt I am wearing calls for a special eye shadow due to the boldness of the shirt. Once again I am jumping up off the bed barely Spunk... rummaging through the makeup cases in search of the MAC palette that has the color. I find the color and commence to putting my make up on. Suddenly it hits me to look at the clock. It's 7:48 and I need to be in the car by 8 to get to work by 9:30 still not the time I wanted to be at work but def beats 10:00. I finish the other eye and grab the shirt out of the dryer. By this time I am in boy shorts a bra and sliding on my slacks. I grab the shirt and thank God that it doesn't need to be ironed.

Making my way out the door.. Finally working on being on time. Jump in the car and see I left the sunroof slightly cracked. UGH the leather seats are cold as hell... I hit the button to warm them up and ball out the parking lot only be halted by the woman with the horrible wig in the Cadillac slowly easing through the development. She obviously is on time while I'm running late and praying for an accident so I don't lie when I walk through the door and say it was an accident that had me in traffic. No such luck just a gang of slow Sunday drivers.

Any who I'm moving along down the beltway decided to listen to the radio for the first time in forever AINT CRAP ON... back to the CD's Anthony Hamilton is crooning about the point of it all and I'm feeling it now Chrisette is telling us how she's ok and I hit the repeat the button cause ole girl is getting it in.

I get to work after an hour and 15 minutes of Chrisette and Anthony preparing me for the day ahead.

I get to the office and this MOFO is driving thru the GARAGE like it
s the Indy EFFIN 500 and almost hits my baby head on I stop dead in the middle of the garage and take minute to collect myself to ensure I don't jump out and commence to beat the brakes of him and his broke ass FORD...
I begin to blare Anthony again and pull into my space... Now I'm here and already ready to slap a hoe such is the way of my everyday life and guess what it's on 11:50 surely I'm gonna have more...

Smooches

WTF

So I am at work and I realize so many things irritate me to no end.

One being women that use the bathroom at work and use the first stall for poopy. Now if I have to tinkle in a rush the first place I'm going is the fist stall, however you have now left a ring around the toilet and some crumbs so I'm completely disgusted and can't possibly tinkle in peace. I have to squeeze my thighs extremely tight and do a lil shuffle in heels to the 3rd or 4th stall all while hoping I don't bust my ass on account your stiny booty ass not using the Handicap stall for poopies... we all know that's what it's there for.

Ladies when poppying *u know u like that word* please use the handicap stall.

I also hate the fact that I come to work every morning no matter how I feel when walking in the building I speak to the security gaurds at the front desk as I am badging in however they act like life sucks and I just crapped on them and not speak. People if I smile at you in acknowledgement that I see you staring at me for whatever reason and u simply look back with an stupid vague expression you will never get an elevator door or the big ass glass doors to the building held for you by me.

If I hold the door for you and don't so mucha as say BOO I'll never do it again.

Just because candy is on my desk in a jar does not mean it's for you.

Yes I have a big ole butt and big ole boobies but my eyes are never in my bra so explain to my why your holding a convo with Vickies Secret instead of me... Same applies to my ass I'm sure she didn't say BYE to you as I sashayed out your office so why are you telling her bye with your eyes? I hate to look back to mention something I forgot and see you eye level with the nape of my ass... And I thought you Euro's didn't want all this Jelly... Humph...

I'm a firm believer in natural beauty.. I get my hair blown out every week by the Dominicans and I get my nails done every other week along with my eyebrows. I wear minimum makeup normally just a nice shadow that matches my outfit and either lipliner and lipglass or just lipglass... Notice I never mention lashes or anything of the sort so WTF are these scallywags always asking me what NAIL shop I get my lashes done in? Not to mention I'm not all up on a nail shop with acrylic, gel, wax and parafin tubs pasting lashes to my eyes...

THEIR MINE HEFFA... Note the pic above

Welcome Back Butterfly

I was reading a very close friend's blog and it inspired me to revisit mine again.

So much has changed since the last time I wrote on here I have no idea the direction I'll take with this blog or what I plan to write about but Twitter gives you minimum space and my job blocks FB so I guess this will be my outlet LOL

I'll begin working a post for today and see what comes to mind.

Smooches
~BlkButterfly